Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Weston(d) Girls

[Impossibly Successful Lawyer], Thank you for getting back to me and apologies for the slow response. I need the services of your firm to draft a loan agreement and handle the closing for the purchase of 2 Robot Surgical Machines (Intuitive’s da Vinci Surgical System} by a company located in your state. We will be paying the original seller and securing the machines as collateral once we finalize the approval of the loan. There will be two parties involved in the transaction for the closing, The lender and the buyer. The loan will be for 18 months and is set to commence by the First week of July, this is depending on how fast we can negotiate the terms of the loan and finalize a closing date. The repayment will be on a monthly basis with 4.9% interest annually until payment is complete. The loan amount for the equipment is $3,500,000. I will need the legal expertise of your firm to advise us on how the loan agreement should be drafted, to comply with your state laws, advise on the legal terms to protect our interest, and review all supporting documents from the borrower. You can bill us based on an hourly rate, I do not foresee us spending more than 20-30 hours on this transaction, the delay may come towards the closing date. Send me your standard retainer agreement which you use for similar cases and kindly include your rate so I can review it with my board. I will schedule to discuss with you after I have reviewed your terms, hopefully, before the end of the week. Let me know if you have any questions, I look forward to hearing back from you. Conflict check information of the Borrower: [Poor local company] Regards, Ryan Weston CFO Commercial Loan Funding LLC Tel: 786-638-5643 Add 1110 NW 75th Street, Miami, FL 33150 Web: www.commercialloanfundingllc.com

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Adelson, I know this world is killing you

Hello [Dashing Counselor at Law], Thank you for your prompt response. Am currently on an official assignment outside the states and Phil Adelson (ex-husband) lives in jurisdiction. Due to the time difference (+13hrs EST) it is a little bit difficult to determine the best time to call you. Following our divorce, we agreed under a negotiated settlement agreement which is incorporated, merged into and made part of the court decree for a one-time payment of $823,500.00 for Family support (this includes child support, alimony and medical support). To his credit, he has paid me $499,500.00 USD but still owes $324,000.00 USD and the due time for completion of payment is over. Thus, I request your legal counsel and representation to enforce the final judgment thereby compelling him to remit the balance owed me. He is aware of my intention to seek legal actions. Attached is a copy of the separation agreement, and Final Judgment and I will be pleased to provide further information on this case on request. Prior to retaining you, Kindly forward a copy of your retainer agreement. As soon as I receive your firm's retainer agreement, I will review it to determine if the terms are acceptable to me. I would provide a copy of the signed retainer for your records and for us to proceed with this case. Regards, Yumiko Adelson

Monday, May 30, 2022

da Vinci Phishing Rod

Thank you for getting back to me. I need the services of your firm to draft a loan agreement and handle the closing for the purchase of 2 Robot Surgical Machines (Intuitive’s da Vinci Surgical System} by a company located in your state. We will be paying the original seller and securing the machines as collateral once we finalize the approval of the loan. There will be two parties involved in the transaction for the closing, The lender and the buyer. The loan will be for 18 months and is set to commence by the First week of July, this is depending on how fast we can negotiate the terms of the loan and finalize a closing date. The repayment will be on a monthly basis with 5.9% interest annually until payment is complete. The loan amount for the equipment is $3,500,000. I will need the legal expertise of your firm to advise us on how the loan agreement should be drafted, to comply with your state laws, advise on the legal terms to protect our interest, and review all supporting documents from the borrower. I will provide you with our previous loan agreements that we have used in the past for similar transactions if that will help us save some time and money on the retainer and closing fees. You can bill us based on an hourly rate, I do not foresee us spending more than 20-30 hours on this transaction, the delay may come towards the closing date. Send me your standard retainer agreement which you use for similar cases and kindly include your rate so I can review it with my board. I will schedule to discuss with you after I have reviewed your terms, hopefully by mid-week. Let me know if you have any questions, I look forward to hearing back from you. Conflict check information of the Borrower: [Local Victim Name Here] Best Regards, Richard Tyler Chief Financial Officer Commercial Loan Funding LLC Tel: 786-638-5643 Add 1110 NW 75th Street, Miami, FL 33150 Web: www.commercialloanfundingllc.com

Friday, May 20, 2022

Commercial Loan Funding LLC Scam

Thank you for getting back to me. I need the services of your firm to draft a loan agreement and handle the closing for the purchase of 2 Robot Surgical Machines (Intuitive’s da Vinci Surgical System} by a company located in your state. We will be paying the original seller and securing the machines as collateral once we finalize the approval of the loan. There will be two parties involved in the transaction for the closing, The lender and the buyer. The loan will be for 18 months and is set to commence by the First week of July, this is depending on how fast we can negotiate the terms of the loan and finalize a closing date. The repayment will be on a monthly basis with 5.9% interest annually until payment is complete. The loan amount for the equipment is $3,500,000. I will need the legal expertise of your firm to advise us on how the loan agreement should be drafted, to comply with your state laws, advise on the legal terms to protect our interest, and review all supporting documents from the borrower. I will provide you with our previous loan agreements that we have used in the past for similar transactions if that will help us save some time and money on the retainer and closing fees. You can bill us based on an hourly rate, I do not foresee us spending more than 20-30 hours on this transaction, the delay may come towards the closing date. Send me your standard retainer agreement which you use for similar cases and kindly include your rate so I can review it with my board. I will schedule to discuss with you after I have reviewed your terms, hopefully by mid-week. Let me know if you have any questions, I look forward to hearing back from you. Conflict check information of the Borrower: [Local Company Here] Best Regards, Richard Tyler Chief Financial Officer Commercial Loan Funding LLC Tel: 786-638-5643 Add 1110 NW 75th Street, Miami, FL 33150 Web: www.commercialloanfundingllc.com

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Simon Says You Are Basic

Simon Kesterton to me, a Dashing Fellow Counsel, We appreciate you giving us a chance to discuss our case. We placed an order for some goods from [Poor, Unassuming, Local Company Here] back in January, 2019 and the terms of the sales contract requires us to pay 50% of the total cost of the ordered goods before delivery and the balance after we have received the same goods. However, after we made the 50% initial deposit, we did not receive any goods as required. The goods ought to be delivered in February, 2019. More time was given to them to deliver the goods which they were still unable to meet with. Hence, we requested a refund. We have made several efforts to have them refund the initial deposit, but to no avail. We have therefore decided to resort to legal means since there is an existing agreement prior to the transaction. Find below details of the supplier for your conflict check. [Local Company Here] We have suffered so much loss as a result of this failed transaction and we are ready to proceed with litigation if the need should arise. Let us know the best way to have this issue tackled and we will comply as long as we get results. Furthermore , we have concerns and would like you to respond in detail in your reply. Are they any foibles you see in this case? If litigation is involved, the distance gives us some concern with regards to court appearances. How can this be handled? How much is your legal fee? Do you charge on an hourly basis or contingency? What should we expect from you? Any guarantees? Please advise on your assessment of this case. A quick response will be appreciated. Regards, Simon Kesterton Chief Financial Officer Kier Group plc A - 81 Fountain Street, Manchester, United Kingdom M2 2EE C - +44 (7) 44 139 9615

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Bree All You Can Bree

A classic. But updated Antonio Aguero to me Hello [Super Smart and Sexy Lawyer Person}, This is an official request for your services on behalf of my Company towards the enforcement of our intellectual property rights. My Company is currently in contract with a company known as Stk Consulting & Services Inc and as such have a valid agreement contract for the production of scanning chips and codes to be used for packaging and shipping of all sorts of general supplies and merchandise to customers in the US. These chips and codes are embedded and preloaded with our proprietary software codes in Spanish but equipped with a language translator (Spanish to English) and are shipped to Stk Consulting & Services Inc at their office 425, L Street NW #1218, Washington DC 20001, United States. As our business thrived with Stk Consulting & Services Inc and seeing the need to cater to a higher demand of our scanning chips and codes, we opted to embed them with an English version of our proprietary software codes to avoid both the delays that could arise from translation as well as inefficiencies there from. This triggered the signing of a Copyright License Agreement with Stk Consulting & Services Inc that protects our intellectual property from being duplicated since all our codes had been simplified and provided in English. Sometime in June 2020 as part of a routine facility inspection tour by our Auditors to a facility owned by Stk Consulting & Services Inc it was discovered that they had commenced production of replica scanning chips and codes without informing us or getting our authorization. They had also commenced distribution of their version of our scanning chips and codes in complete violation of our existing agreement. Upon discovery of this and a further probe it was discovered that Stk Consulting & Services Inc had produced over Two Million replicas of our scanning chips and codes and had already sold Eight Hundred Thousand (800,000) of them. A team from our office in Mexico notified Stk Consulting & Services Inc of our discovery and intimated them of our disappointment in their actions. Stk Consulting & Services Inc admitted to their wrong doings as well as it amounting to a violation of the terms of our agreement and offered Fifty percent (50%) of the proceeds from the unauthorized production, we rejected their offer and requested Eighty percent (80%). Eventually after lengthy discussions and negotiations we resolved that Stk Consulting & Services Inc would remit Sixty Eight percent (68%) of the proceeds from the unauthorized production amounting to Three Million, Six Hundred and Eighty Thousand US Dollars Only ($3,680,000.00) and the said amount would be payable by the end of March 2021. We both signed a Memorandum of Understanding to this effect. Unfortunately, it has been one excuse or the other from Stk Consulting & Services Inc since the deadline lapsed and we have not received any payment from them. At first, their excuse was the pandemic, and then bad business. On several occasions they have initiated conversations in regards remitting said funds to us in tranches but have failed to honor their word. Despite this there has still existed a business relationship between our Company and Stk Consulting & Services Inc and I wish to maintain the same but the pending issue outstanding settlement needs to be looked into. I would appreciate it if you can inform, educate and guide through a peaceful process of receiving our settlement. My expectation of your services for now will be within the scenario of a Demand letter to Stk Consulting & Services Inc on our behalf. I believe that this approach will trigger a much-needed response/action from them in regards to an amicable settlement of the matter as well as remittance of what is due to my Company. Please note that if need be and there is no other way to pursue this and you feel from your legal perspective that litigation is the only way forward, I am not opposed to this but I would rather this as a last resort. Kindly let me know what you would need to proceed. I am aware that you might charge a retainer for your services if you are interested in taking on this case, please let me know what your retainer fees would amount to as well as any other requirements/dynamics that need to be fulfilled I look forward to hearing from you. Best Regards Antonio Aguero CEO Bree Concept Sa De Cv

Saturday, March 5, 2022

Yoshi's Song

Good day [Shockingly Good Looking Lawyer], Thanks for your response, a breach has occurred with the Intellectual property agreement therefore we like to sue them for the breach, they have not paid the initial $1.2 million for the patent and the royalty payment since the agreement was signed. OTHER PARTY INFO [Local Company] Please see attached the agreement for your review and advise on your hourly fee and initial retainer fee also I await your retainer agreement as soon as possible. Thanks for your time, Once again we are looking forward to working with you. Warm Regards, Indra Gilang YEB PT.Yoshi Electrical Bintan Jl Plumpang Semper 24 B, Dki Jakarta City:Dki Jakarta,Indonesia Phone: +62-274-55-1214 Cell:+12602046355 Email:indra.gilang@ptyoshielebintan.com FOLLOW UP "Good morning [Devilishly Handsom Lawyer], I am delighted to inform you that we received a notification from the adverse party that they have issued a part payment of $380,000.00 to your firm to avoid litigation after we brought to their notice our aim of seeking legal action. But as a matter of precaution, we remain unwavering in this potential legal matter. They promised to pay the balance soon. Once you have received the payment, deposit it in your trust account and deduct your fee to enable us proceed without any further delays. Provide us with your engagement letter for our review and signature as soon as possible. Thanks for your time, Once again we are looking forward to working with you. . Please reply soon! Warm Regards, Indra Gilang"