Getting Silly With Gary

 

Dear Gary of the Reel Foot Lake Confederation,

Thank you for your astral transmission regarding the ceremonial transfer of the Caterpillar D10T2 Earth Dragon. I must admit, upon first reading, I assumed “USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR” was a metaphor—perhaps a code name for a powerful but emotionally unavailable ex-lover, or a sentient dune vehicle banished from Arrakis. Imagine my surprise to learn it is in fact an industrial machine.

You mentioned this is a “cash transaction,” which I take to mean that gold doubloons or, ideally, antique bottle caps will be exchanged for goods—though I must caution you: I no longer accept currencies that are haunted or embossed with former Vice Presidents. Also, when you say the sale is “as is,” does that mean we accept the tractor’s current spiritual condition, including any grudges it may hold from prior operators?

As for “shipping costs and risk of damage,” I assume Dream Escape Properties understands that once the tractor leaves your field, it enters a liminal zone of existential uncertainty—a tractor may travel forward physically, yet regress emotionally. Liability in such cases is metaphysically complex.

Now, regarding fees: I operate on a variable rate schedule based on lunar phases, proximity to the equinox, and whether Mercury is in retrograde. Typically, I bill either $700/hour or 11 jars of pickled asparagus, whichever is more ethically sourced. Engagement letters are best delivered via raven, but I can also email a PDF if your network is compatible with interdimensional portals.

Please confirm whether the tractor has any known opinions on philosophy, or if it has ever been accused of whispering ominous Latin phrases to nearby bulldozers.

Yours in torque and confusion,
Aaron

Gary Eagly  garyeagly2@gmail.com

Hello You Best Cannabis Lawyer in Washington,

My company, Reel Foot Lake, has negotiated and agreed to sell its USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR to Dream Escape properties. I need your help to draft the purchase agreement. Attached are the required details of the machine for your review. This transaction is a cash transaction and “as is”, with no financing and the sale closes once full payment is made. The buyer will take responsibility for shipping costs and risk of damage. Timing -Sale will be finalized once both parties have signed the purchase agreement and full payment is made. Could you please let me know what your fee structure is? Kindly email your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thank you for your consideration.

Gary Eagly 

Reel foot lake new Madrid zone 

310-304-4702