Getting Silly With Gary

 

Dear Gary of the Reel Foot Lake Confederation,

Thank you for your astral transmission regarding the ceremonial transfer of the Caterpillar D10T2 Earth Dragon. I must admit, upon first reading, I assumed “USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR” was a metaphor—perhaps a code name for a powerful but emotionally unavailable ex-lover, or a sentient dune vehicle banished from Arrakis. Imagine my surprise to learn it is in fact an industrial machine.

You mentioned this is a “cash transaction,” which I take to mean that gold doubloons or, ideally, antique bottle caps will be exchanged for goods—though I must caution you: I no longer accept currencies that are haunted or embossed with former Vice Presidents. Also, when you say the sale is “as is,” does that mean we accept the tractor’s current spiritual condition, including any grudges it may hold from prior operators?

As for “shipping costs and risk of damage,” I assume Dream Escape Properties understands that once the tractor leaves your field, it enters a liminal zone of existential uncertainty—a tractor may travel forward physically, yet regress emotionally. Liability in such cases is metaphysically complex.

Now, regarding fees: I operate on a variable rate schedule based on lunar phases, proximity to the equinox, and whether Mercury is in retrograde. Typically, I bill either $700/hour or 11 jars of pickled asparagus, whichever is more ethically sourced. Engagement letters are best delivered via raven, but I can also email a PDF if your network is compatible with interdimensional portals.

Please confirm whether the tractor has any known opinions on philosophy, or if it has ever been accused of whispering ominous Latin phrases to nearby bulldozers.

Yours in torque and confusion,
Aaron

Gary Eagly  garyeagly2@gmail.com

Hello You Best Cannabis Lawyer in Washington,

My company, Reel Foot Lake, has negotiated and agreed to sell its USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR to Dream Escape properties. I need your help to draft the purchase agreement. Attached are the required details of the machine for your review. This transaction is a cash transaction and “as is”, with no financing and the sale closes once full payment is made. The buyer will take responsibility for shipping costs and risk of damage. Timing -Sale will be finalized once both parties have signed the purchase agreement and full payment is made. Could you please let me know what your fee structure is? Kindly email your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thank you for your consideration.

Gary Eagly 

Reel foot lake new Madrid zone 

310-304-4702

Fix Your Font or Talk to the Church Lady

On May 8, 2025, at 12:20 PM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote: I am reaching out to inquire if your firm handles business / contract law matters. I would like to set up a time to discuss. Please let me know your availability. Brian Carlson Carlson Ag Service LLC <Terms1.pdf><John Deere 1775NT Planter.pdf>

On Thu, 8 May 2025 at 8:27 PM, Church Lady Lawyer wrote:

Well, isn’t that special, Brian!

Why yes, we do handle business and contract law matters — helping good folks like yourself keep things tidy and righteous in the eyes of the law and the lord. I’d be delighted to set up a time to chat and see how we can assist your fine establishment, Carlson Ag Service LLC.

Now, why don’t you send along a few dates and times that work for you, and we’ll get something on the calendar faster than you can say, “Well, isn’t that convenient!”

Looking forward to our little chat, Brian.

Bless your heart,

- Super Lawyer

On May 9, 2025, at 5:14 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Church Lady Lawyer,

I’d like to provide some background to clarify the situation. I’m looking to establish a long-term relationship with your law firm to handle our business law matters in Washington. Friehe Farms is interested in purchasing my John Deere Planter. Specifically, I’ve agreed to sell a 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter to Friehe Farms 1502 T Rd NE, Moses Lake, WA 98837. who wants to increase their crop production for this and future farming seasons.

I would appreciate your assistance in drafting the purchase and sale agreement and overseeing the transaction through to closing. The terms and price have already been agreed upon by both parties. I’ve attached the details of the 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, along with the agreed-upon terms, for your review.

A few questions: Is this something you can assist with? What are your fees and retainer requirements for this service? Additionally, could you send me your engagement agreement for review?

I look forward to working with you! Thanks.

Brian Carlson

President and CEO 

Carlson Ag Service L.L.C

2448 Dillon Rd,

Marshalltown, IA 50158

(956) 606-3004

On Mon, 12 May 2025 at 8:03 PM, Church Lady> wrote:

Brian, well well well… isn’t that special?

A shiny new 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, a budding business relationship, and a good old-fashioned handshake deal—how quaint! Why, it almost warms the cockles of my heart, if I had any. But of course, as we know, the Lord helps those who help themselves... to a proper purchase and sale agreement, lest things go the way of the serpent.

Now, is this something I can assist with? Oh heavens yes. Drafting airtight agreements and guiding good folks like yourself through transactions is just the sort of righteous work we do around here, when we’re not busy casting out the demons of ambiguity and confusion from other contracts, of course.

As for fees and retainer, I’ll have my office send you the engagement agreement shortly. It’ll include all the juicy little details like our hourly rates and payment structure, nothing sinful, I assure you.

I do look forward to working with you, Brian. And let’s all be thankful it’s a planter you’re selling and not something really scandalous... like a vibrating seed spreader.

Blessings,
CL

On May 14, 2025, at 3:12 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Church Lady Lawyer,

I’m glad you can assist. Kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thanks

Regards

 Dear Bryan Bo Bian,

Thank you ever so kindly for reaching out. It warms my heart to see folks eager to do things properly and decently in this world of chaos and moral decay. Why, it's almost as if someone is trying to follow the rules. What a novel idea!

Now, as for your request to receive a retainer agreement before we’ve seen the check? Hmm… let me think… who could be behind that kind of thinking? Could it be… Saaay-tan?!

We here at this upright, God-fearing law firm have a very simple policy: no retainer agreement goes out the door until we’ve received the initial $10,000 payment. It's not that we don’t trust you, dear, but you know what they say about good intentions paving a certain rather warm road.

Once that check arrives safe and sound, we’ll be happier than a televangelist in a tax loophole to get everything squared away and official.

Blessings,

Your Cannabis Lawyer 

 

Fix Your Font or Deal With Fog Horn

> On Apr 20, 2025, at 4:19 PM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> 
> I am reaching out to inquire if your firm handles business / contract law matters. I would like to set up a time to discuss. Please let me know your availability.
> 
> Brian Carlson
> Carlson Ag Service LLC
> 

On Mon, 21 Apr 2025 at 5:07 AM, The Best Damn Lawyer in Washington wrote:

Darn toot’in’. What ya’ got goin’ on Mr Carlson? 

 

On Apr 23, 2025, at 3:36 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Weed Lawyer that is shockingly handsome,

I’d like to provide some background to clarify the situation. I’m looking to establish a long-term relationship with your law firm to handle our business law matters in Washington. Friehe Farms is interested in purchasing my John Deere Planter. Specifically, I’ve agreed to sell a 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter to Friehe Farms 1502 T Rd NE, Moses Lake, WA 98837. who wants to increase their crop production for this and future farming seasons.

I would appreciate your assistance in drafting the purchase and sale agreement and overseeing the transaction through to closing. The terms and price have already been agreed upon by both parties. I’ve attached the details of the 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, along with the agreed-upon terms, for your review.

A few questions: Is this something you can assist with? What are your fees and retainer requirements for this service? Additionally, could you send me your engagement agreement for review?

I look forward to working with you! Thanks.

Brian Carlson

President and CEO 

Carlson Ag Service L.L.C

2448 Dillon Rd,

Marshalltown, IA 50158

(956) 606-3004

 Nice font. 

On Wed, 23 Apr 2025 at 10:06 PM,  The Best Cannabis Lawyer wrote:

Well now, I say, I say, Mr. Carlson,

You’ve come to the right rooster, I mean, lawyer, I say. I read your message faster than a fox in a henhouse and I do appreciate you takin’ the time to lay the groundwork for this deal — sounds like you're servin’ up more than corn in Moses Lake, if you catch my drift.

Now as for that 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, why, that's a fine machine! I tell ya, she’s got more value than a double-yolk egg at breakfast time, and if both parties already got the terms settled, we’re halfway to the barn already.

I’d be happier than a June bug in a porch light to help draft the purchase and sale agreement and walk this through to closing smoother than a buttered biscuit. I’ll get you my engagement agreement faster than a chicken on a junebug, and I’ll include the fee structure and retainer requirements as well — clear and clean like a fresh-washed tractor.

Expect that engagement agreement shortly. And Mr. Carlson, I say, I do look forward to workin’ with you. Let’s get this planter planted in the right legal soil, if you know what I mean.

Yours in law and loquaciousness,

The Super Lawyer

AP

 

On Apr 24, 2025, at 9:50 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Sounds good, kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signing.

Regards

On Apr 24, 2025, at 11:50 AM 

 I say, I say now listen here, son—

This ain’t no ordinary legal shindig. Our firm, we ain’t gonna charge you a red cent, not a dime, not even a button off your coat for this one. That’s right, free as a breeze on a porch swing in July. We don’t need no fancy fee agreement or signature in blood. Just your good word and a nod’ll do.

So you just holler back and let us know it’s all right to get started draftin’ up that contract for the tractor sale. We’ll get to work faster than a rooster at sunrise. That’s a guarantee, boy.

Now go on and take your time, but not too much time. This legal rooster’s ready to crow.

 

God bless you please Mr. Robertson

HA! This one is awesome. Clown sent me two different scams in the same email thread. 

FIRST MESSAGE

jimmrobertson@zohomail.com

Good day, 

I need your firm's assistance on a legal representation in Oregon.

Jim

Sent using Zoho Mail

NEW MESSAGE

Hello Dead Sexy Cannabis Law Firm,

Thanks for getting back to me. Let me elaborate a bit more about my case, it is regarding an unpaid loan in Oregon. If this is a matter your firm can assist me with, please let me know so that i can place a call through to you. I am attaching the loan agreement between myself and a friend, I doubt if I can still consider him a friend because of what I have been through till now trying to get my money back from him. I loaned William the sum of $380,000.00 Dollars in November 2021. The loan is past due for payment since November 10th 2024 and he is yet to pay me back my money.

I have also attached my bank statement of account indicating therein when the loaned amount was wired to him.

 

His name and address for your conflict check is as stated below.

 

FIRST LOCAL COMPANY

Portland, OR 97211    

The last email correspondence from him could be seen below. However, payment has not yet been received as indicated in his email.

 

Kindly let me know the next step on how to go about it and your retainer fees.

 

Regards,

 

Jim

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----Original Message-----

 

From: James Robertson <jimmrobertson@zohomail.com> 

To: billdhamilton@protonmail.com

Sent: Fri, Nov 29, 2024 8:43 AM

Subject: Follow up on the loan repayment

 

 

Hello William,

 

I am following up regarding the money I loaned you, which you know is past due for payment. At this point, if I don’t hear back from you within 72 hours, with a definite date of the loan repayment, you will be hearing from my legal representative.

 

James

 

 

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------

 

From: William Hamilton <billdhamilton@protonmail.com>

Date: Thu, Dec 12, 2024 at 10:35 PM

Subject: Follow up on the payments

To: jimmrobertson@zohomail.com

 

 

Jim,

I apologize about the delay in making payments. I have been trying to contact you, but I am unable to get a hold of you. I was told by Ed about your health, the more reason i wanted to explain my situation and let you know that I am expecting some cash soonest and I intend to pay the loan as soon as the cash comes in. However, I would like to ask you to please hold off on involving any legal representations, as you mentioned in your last email and let us solve this amicably between us. Again, I am so sorry for the inconveniences that I have caused you.

 

Thanks,

 

Bill

Sent using Zoho Mail

NEW MESSAGE

James, 

I am happy to help. Our firm requires a 10k retainer and fee agreement. When is a good time for us to get on a Zoom conference call? 

NEW MESSAGE

Do you have a number I can call you at? If so, when is the best time to call?

NEW MESSAGE

I can be reached in the afternoons at 516 585 6267.

Jim

Sent using Zoho Mail

NEW MESSAGE 

 Hello Awesome Cannabis Lawyer,

Thanks for getting back to me. Let me elaborate a bit more about my case, it is regarding an unpaid loan in Rhode Island. If this is a matter your firm can assist me with, please let me know so that i can place a call through to you. I am attaching the loan agreement between myself and a friend, I doubt if I can still consider him a friend because of what I have been through till now trying to get my money back from him. I loaned William the sum of $380,000.00 Dollars in November 2021. The loan is past due for payment since November 10th 2024 and he is yet to pay me back my money.

I have also attached my bank statement of account indicating therein when the loaned amount was wired to him.

 

His name and address for your conflict check is as stated below.

 

LOCAL COMPANY NAME ON ONE SIDE OF THE COUNTRY 

Narragansett, RI

   

The last email correspondence from him could be seen below. However, payment has not yet been received as indicated in his email.

 

Kindly let me know the next step on how to go about it and your retainer fees.

 

Regards,

 

Jim

 

 

 

 

-----Original Message-----

 

From: James Robertson <jimmrobertson@zohomail.com> 

To: billdhamilton@protonmail.com

Sent: Fri, Nov 29, 2024 8:43 AM

Subject: Follow up on the loan repayment

 

 

Hello William,

 

I am following up regarding the money I loaned you, which you know is past due for payment. At this point, if I don’t hear back from you within 72 hours, with a definite date of the loan repayment, you will be hearing from my legal representative.

 

James

 

 

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------

 

From: William Hamilton <billdhamilton@protonmail.com>

Date: Thu, Dec 12, 2024 at 10:35 PM

Subject: Follow up on the payments

To: jimmrobertson@zohomail.com

 

 

Jim,

I apologize about the delay in making payments. I have been trying to contact you, but I am unable to get a hold of you. I was told by Ed about your health, the more reason i wanted to explain my situation and let you know that I am expecting some cash soonest and I intend to pay the loan as soon as the cash comes in. However, I would like to ask you to please hold off on involving any legal representations, as you mentioned in your last email and let us solve this amicably between us. Again, I am so sorry for the inconveniences that I have caused you.

 

Thanks,

 

Bill

Sent using Zoho Mail

You got the way to move me, Kerri baby

 Good Morning to the Best Blockchain Attorney in the world, How are you doing today? it's a pleasure to connect with you. I will need your help to assist me drafting the sales and purchase agreement for my 2018 USED CAT 953D CRAWLER LOADERS to a buyer in your state, attached on this email are the term agreement and the equipment specification for the 2018 USED CAT 953D CRAWLER LOADERS. I will want a long lasting relationship with my client, This transaction is a cash transaction, with no financing and the sale closes once full payment is made, a satisfactory inspection conducted by my buyer and an appraisal issued by the inspection company.

Kindly advise on your representation rate and do email me your engagement letter for my review and signature if this is a matter you or your firm can handle. 

Find details of the buyer [unsuspecting local company name here]


Kerri Rupert
615 29th Ave SSt. Petersburg, FL 33705
239-235-8320

Andy did you hear about this one?

 Hi You Magnificent Estate Planning Lawyer 

Thank you for getting back to me and I hope this email meets you well

When will you like me to put a call through? My number is +852 3008 7256

I am currently located in Hong Kong 

My ex-partner's name is Andy Arvidson , and he is currently domiciled in California 

Here is a brief narrative of what happened between my Ex-Partner- Mr. Andy Arvidson 
We started dating in June 2019, we met in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for one of his holiday trips. I was domiciled in Hong Kong where I was managing my late father's estate at the time. Almost immediately we kicked off a happy relationship as he was so sweet and supportive, and I eventually packed up and moved back with him to California US where we started living together. He is involved in sales, supply of information technology security protection hardware and software and owns a thriving business. Sometime in November 2020 he discussed a contract of supply with me. It seemed very lucrative and consequently I was interested. He required that I invest the sum of $1,900,000 (One Million Nine Hundred Thousand Dollars Only) and upon completion of the supply when payment is made, I would receive a complete refund of what I invested as well as 60% of the profit to the tune of $1,140,000 (One Million One Hundred and Forty Dollars Only). We both travelled back to Hong Kong, and I initiated a wire transfer to him, and he received the funds almost immediately.

In regard to his contract of supply, he was meant to make a first supply in March 2021, and he had already been sourcing for the products from Asia, all this he had put in the works immediately after the Christmas holidays and was meant to send a first tranche of payment to cover the same. Fortunately, he had not sent the payment because he received information from his off takers that the supply had to be cancelled due to certain conditions which I considered reasonable. We were disappointed but we were relieved by the fact that we still had our money in our cuffers.
I was with him all for some months and it was a good time for us to get to know each other better. Like all couples - we had our ups and downs, we realized more and more about each other, what we liked and disliked about each other and how to foster our budding relationship. One thing I found out about him was that he was a cheat and lives a double life, I realized that I was not the only one in his life as he claimed and this seemed extremely absurd to me and as time went on we would argue and fight over the issue and things started to deteriorate, we were no longer as fond of each other as we used to be, there were long moments of 'loud' silence and snappy conversations.

I just wanted to separate from him and return to Hong Kong. I felt like I could not continue with the relationship, and he mirrored my sentiment as well. I tried to stay for some months to see if things would change but unfortunately it didn't, so I decided to return back to Hong Kong and the relationship ended. We did not communicate thereafter for a long time.
Fast forward to April 2022 I reached out to him because of my money, and he responded, we had a civil conversation, and he mentioned the money I had transferred to him and how he intended to send it back to me. He asked for a month or two to put it together and I agreed to it but insisted we sign an agreement which we both signed. Time came for him to remit the funds as promised but he asked for some more time which I obliged but that has been the case till now. I will be attaching the supporting documents to this email for your perusal.

I would appreciate it if your firm can inform, educate and guide through a peaceful process of retrieving my funds. Once I get your firm retained, my expectation of your services for now will be within the ranks of an introductory Demand letter to him and letting him know you will be representing my interest and collecting the money owed to me, obviously he wouldn't want the details of our relationship in public space. I believe this approach will trigger a much-needed response/action from him in regard to being paid what I am owed. I am aware that a retainer will be charged for your services if you are going to take up my case and I am willing to make that available immediately to get us started.

I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Darth Graber

 Thank you for getting back to me, you amazing Cannabis Lawer.

Our company has been contacted by Virginia Mason Emergency Department, located at [Unsuspecting Local Here], regarding the purchase of two GE Lightspeed CT Scanners.

We have agreed to sell each CT Scanner system for $195,000, making the total transaction amount $390,000. I am seeking your urgent assistance in drafting the purchase agreement, as we aim to close this transaction as soon as possible.

Please find attached the following documents for your review:
Detailed specifications and images of the CT Scanners
The agreed term sheet

This is a straightforward cash transaction, with the buyer assuming responsibility for shipping costs and the risk of damage. The equipment will be sold “as is,” with no title and no financing involved. The transaction will be governed by the laws of the buyer's state, and the sale will be finalized once both parties sign the purchase agreement and full payment is made.

Kindly advise on your rates and the cost of representation. Please also send your engagement letter for my review and signature.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. I look forward to working with you.

Best regards,
Angela Graber
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT, CLINICAL SOLUTIONS 
Catalyst MedTech
2403 Sidney Street-Suite 220, 
Pittsburgh, PA 15203
Tel: (215) 346-7101

Jing a Song

 Hello Seattle Cannabis Lawyer, 

How are you doing today? Thank you for getting back to me. Permit me to explain my issues to you so you could understand what is being required. I will give you a call after this email to explain much better.
The Issues: 
Sometimes in 2021, Jing Cao HK Limited went into an agreement with POSDATA Group, Inc, located at (Local Company Here) United States and as such has a legal contract accord for the production of AWS/SQL programing to produce a multi scanning POS system titled CXAL-01-7 to be used for scanning and conversion of our data from Spanish to English for the United State market only.

In February 2022, Jing Cao HK Limited company’s Auditors undertook an underground assessment into POSDATA Group, Inc activities it was revealed that POSDATA Group, Inc had begun translation of Jing Cao HK Limited AWS/SQL original software into Spanish and Chinese language and had distributed over a million copy to the Chinese market without prior notice of such information to Jing Cao HK Limited in total disregard and violation of our existing agreement.

A team from our office here in Hong Kong informed POSDATA Group, Inc of our finding and alerted them of our dissatisfaction in their dealings.

POSDATA Group, Inc owned up to this misconduct which is a breach of the terms of our agreement and agreed to pay Fifty percent (50%) of the earnings from the illegal manufacture, we declined their bid and demanded for Eighty (80%) percent.

 Finally, after exhaustive deliberations and dialogue, it was agreed that POSDATA Group, Inc would pay us Seventy (70%) percent of the earnings from the unlawful manufacture totaling Four Million Six Hundred Thousand US Dollars Only ($4,600,000.00). and the supposed sum would be paid at the end of November 2022 and thereafter a Memorandum of Understanding {MOU} was signed.

Regrettably, till date, we have been inundated with a series of disappointing stories from POSDATA Group, Inc after the time limit agreed upon has passed and we are yet to receive any form of payment from them. On multiple occasions, they advanced roundtable discussion in relation to paying the said amount to us in multiple transactions but yet again, they reneged on their pledge.

Notwithstanding, my Corporation- Jing Cao HK Limited has sustained our good standing business relationship with POSDATA Group, Inc and we will strive to maintain the same but the pending agreed payment plans should be cleared.

My company - Jing Cao HK Limited would appreciate it if you can use your professional expertise to inform, educate and guide through a peaceful resolution to receiving our settlement.


My expectation of your service(s) for now will be within the scenario of a Demand letter to POSDATA Group, Inc on behalf of Jing Cao HK Limited.

I am of the firm belief that this model will activate a favorable reply/commitment from them in respect to resolving this issue in a mutually accepted manner and also ensure all dues are paid to Jing Cao HK Limited.

Additionally, if after the issuance and receipt of your Compliance letter, POSDATA Group, Inc fail to adhere and pay up, Jing Cao HK Limited would be left with no option but to seek redress in the court of competent jurisdiction after due consultation of your legal input for breach of trust.

Find attached herewith the documents signed by both parties prior to the disregard of our agreement and afterwards.

I look forward to your response.

Andrew Lau

CEO

JING CAO HK LIMITED

+852 3001 1937

56 Hoi Yuen Rd, Kwun Tong, Hong Kong.