Scammer (Dr. Bruce E Sands) vs Sean Connery

 From. drbruceesands89@gmail.com

Hi, I'm looking for a business lawyer with extensive knowledge of contract drafting. Warm regards

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Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Dishes

Dishes Who?

Dishes Sean Connery, here to help you my exshtishiv knowledge of contracts. 

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Hi Sean, I have negotiated and agreed to sell the Siemens MAGNETOM Verio 3.0T  to [local unsuspecting company name here] I need your help to draft the purchase agreement. Attached are the required details of the machine for your review. This transaction is a cash transaction and “as is”, with no financing and sale closes once full payment is made. This is a no title Machine. The Buyer wants the agreement to be governed by the laws of their state. Buyer will take responsibility for shipping cost and risk of damage. Timing -Sale will be finalized once both parties have signed the purchase agreement and full payment made. What is your rate and cost of representation? Kindly email your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thank you for your consideration.



Dr. Bruce E. Sands
5 E 98th St, New York, NY
787-607-9429

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Dr. Sands,

Ah, the Siemens MAGNETOM Verio 3.0T… a fine machine indeed. Very powerful. Very imprehssive. Cash only, you shay? That’s the way to do it. None of this flim-flam financing. And “ash is, no title”? That’s bold, my boy. Remindsh me of a proper game of baccarat — you win, you take the pot, and you walk away smiling.

The buyer paying shipping and taking the rishk of damage? Remarkable. You’ve tilted the table in your favor, and I admire that. It’sh almost Bond-like. Almost.

Now, as for me, I’ll draft your agreement. It’ll be tight, bulletproof, not a shingle word out of place. Governed by their shtate law? Fine. I’ve wrestled with tougher opponents than that, and I always come out on top.

My rates? Fair. My engagement letter? Straightforward. When you hire me, you’re not just getting a lawyer. You’re getting someone who can charm the Queen, outdrink the villains, and shtill have time to win the game at the end of the day.

I’ll send you the letter for review and shigning. Together we’ll make this transaction smoother than a well-aged Scotch.

Aaron

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Fee Agreement I sent that he signed and sent back to me

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My good man,

You’ve forgotten the attachment. A simple enough lapse, but let us have it remedied at once. Kindly resend with the signed agreement attached.

Now, let us set our terms in black and white. These have been discussed with the buyer and accepted in principle, and they are to be built into the standard contract you will prepare.

The buyer is represented by a broker. The present understanding is as follows:
• The buyer shall tender an initial deposit of not less than 180,500 USD. This deposit will also fund the attorney retainer.
• Any attorney fees drawn from the initial deposit are non-refundable.
• The initial deposit must be received within seven business days prior to contract signing, to demonstrate commitment to the purchase.
• The full balance is due prior to shipment of the equipment. Payment follows the buyer’s satisfactory certification of inspection.
• At the time the initial deposit is made, the buyer’s broker will provide a Letter of Intent setting out the particulars of the transaction.

Kindly confirm the exact payee name for the initial deposit check. Once I have it, I shall furnish your information to the buyer’s representative so we are all rowing in the same direction. Do advise if, and when, contact is made.

Regards,

Mr. Connery

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I have forwarded your above information to the buyer representative regarding the initial deposit of $180,500 payable to your law firm. Inorder for we both to be on same pages, I will request you to provide me details 

1: Name on the cheque for the initial deposit of $180,500

2: mailing address.


I await your prompt response ASAP so I can relate same to the buyer representative and do let me know when contact is made

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The League of Extraordinary Litigators is the name of our firm. Our mailing address is:

The League of Extraordinary Litigators

2510 Western Ave Suite 500

Seattle, WA 98121

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Will forward your above information to the buyer representative and let me know when contact is made.

Robert vs Hunter

robertschofield882@gmail.com

 I wanted to inquire whether Contract Law or Commercial Lease Agreement falls within the scope of your firm's practice. Your firm was referred to me by the state bar referral service.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your response.

Best regards,

Robert Schofield

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Yes we do!

Aaron

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Hello Aaron S Thompson,

Thank you for getting back to me regarding my request for potential legal representation.

I would like to engage your services to draft a commercial lease agreement between my company and Dickerson Well Drilling, Inc.,  located in your state. We are currently negotiating the terms of a 12-month lease for our DP3 Well Intervention Equipment, in anticipation of their upcoming contract.

We will need your assistance with the following:

• Drafting the lease agreement

• Reviewing the required lease documentation

• Providing legal advice if necessary (we will handle the core negotiations)

The total value of this transaction is approximately $3,400,000, which will be managed by my company. We aim to begin this project in the second week of October 2025. To facilitate the process, I will provide you with copies of our previous lease agreements for reference.

Please send over a retainer agreement based on your hourly rate. I estimate this project will require no more than 20 hours of your time. My schedule is quite full this week, but I’d like to review your retainer agreement and then set a time to discuss the lease draft and next steps.

If you have any questions or need further information, don’t hesitate to reach out.

---

Lessee Conflict Check:
Unsuspecting Local Company Name Here

---

I am available Monday to Friday, from 11:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can reach me at the number listed in my signature below. Let me know your availability so we can coordinate accordingly.

I look forward to working with you on this project.

Regards,

 

Robert Schofield
President
Shamrock Well & Pump
45 Industrial Road
Suite 207
Cumberland , RI 02864
📞 401-889-2033 (Direct)
📱 656-789-2203 (WhatsApp Only)


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Dear Mr. Schofield,

Well, hellfire and hydraulic pressure—$3.4 million worth of hot, spinning steel and contractual peril. I can already smell the diesel fumes and existential liability wafting off this DP3 monstrosity like a fever dream in a West Texas sandstorm.

You want a lease? Good. You need a lease. Because without one, my friend, you’re one busted valve away from a courtroom rodeo with no saddle. I’ll draft the document. I’ll read the fine print with the paranoia of a man who once watched a judge cry over a lost wrench. And if things go sideways—and they always try to—I’ll be ready to push the button labeled “Legal Advice” and brace for impact.

Conflict check is clear. Dickerson’s not on my blacklist… yet.

Here's how we’ll ride this beast:

• Hourly Rate: $1000 an hour (don't worry, no gold-plated invoices—just the blood, sweat, and ink).

• Retainer Agreement: En route shortly. Clean, sharp, and easy on the eyes.

• Estimated Hours: 20? Sure. But like drilling into shale, you never know what kind of pressure’s hiding down there.

• Timeline: Second week of October? That gives us just enough time to draft, revise, and mutter darkly about indemnification clauses under flickering fluorescent lights.

Send me the old leases. I’ll cannibalize the best parts and toss the rest into the fires of modern jurisprudence.

I’m around this week, mostly lucid between 12 and 3 PM Pacific. Let me know when you’re free and we’ll sync up—no tie required.

Hold fast.
Aaron S Thompson
Attorney-at-Law, Dream Wrangler, Occasional Scribe


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Talking Fargo with Stephen Gardner

Stephen Gardner 

stephengardner7273@gmail.com

CONSULTATION

Hello,
I am reaching out to schedule a time to discuss an environmental law matter. Does your firm do such legal work?

Please email your convenient date and time for a telephone call.


Stephen Gardner, Owner
Dns Disposal LLC.

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You betcha we do.

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Hello Best Cannabis Lawyer This Side of That Side,

We are a waste management company interested in building a long-lasting Attorney-Client Relationship with your law firm to handle both our present and future environmental law matters, with Advice concerning environmental issues in financing and business transactions in OR. We're looking forward to setting up a branch office in OR before the end of the year 2025. In the meantime, Affordable Junk Removal is interested in purchasing my 2000 R-Tech HD 3850 Dual Shaft Shredder. I have discussed and agreed to sell the Shredder to Affordable Junk Removal 6639 SE 65th Ave, Portland, OR 97206. I need your legal services to prepare a PSA / Bill of sale and to handle sales through closing. The purchase price and terms have been agreed by both parties. 

The 2000 R-Tech HD 3850 Dual Shaft Shredder and agreed terms are attached. 

Being that this is my first time working with your firm, I would like to ask a few questions, Is this something you have handled in the past? Can you get this done? What is your rate and required retainer fee for this kind of work? Can you email your engagement agreement for my perusal.

I look forward to working with you!

Sincerely,

Stephen Gardner, Owner
DNS Disposal LLC
8 Boxcar Blvd,
Tewksbury, MA 01876
Phone: (401) 830-0069

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Oh yah, hi there Stephen!

Well gosh, thanks for reachin’ out like that. We’d sure be happy to help you out with the sale of your big ol’ R-Tech HD 3850 Dual Shaft Shredder—sounds like quite the unit, don’tcha know. And it’s always nice to see folks lookin’ to build somethin’ long-term and respectable, y’know?

Now, as far as your questions go:

• Oh yah, we’ve definitely handled purchase agreements and bill o’ sales for equipment sales just like this. Nothin’ too outta the ordinary—well, aside from the shredder itself, which sounds like it could chew through a hockey rink, if ya let it.

• Yup, we can absolutely get this done for ya, no problem there.

• As for the rate and retainer, we usually start with a small retainer—I'll have my team send over the engagement letter so you can give it a gander, no pressure. It lays out everything plain as lefse.

I'll go ahead and review those attached terms, and we’ll get that engagement agreement over to ya real soon so you can take a peek and decide how you’d like to proceed.

Thanks again for reachin’ out, Stephen. Lookin’ forward to helpin’ you get this done and maybe even workin’ together down the road when you set up shop in Oregon.

Best wishes and warm regards.

- AP Fargo

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Aaron,

Thanks for the update. Kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signature.

Regards

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. FEE AGREEMENT 

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Hello [My Name Here],

This is to confirm that DNS Disposal LLC has officially retained your firm to represent us in this sale transaction. Please note that your firm will be representing DNS Disposal LLC only in this matter. Attached is the signed engagement letter for your records.

Following further discussions with the buyer, some additional terms have been mutually agreed upon, and I would like these terms to be included in the contract you will prepare. These have been verbally discussed and confirmed with the buyer. Please note that Affordable Junk Removal will be represented by their broker.

The key terms are as follows:

The buyer will provide an initial deposit (Earnest Money), which will also cover the attorney retainer fees.

The Earnest Money will be no less than 60% of the total purchase price ($158,500), and the deposit will also include attorney fees. Please note, the attorney fees deducted from the initial deposit are non-refundable.

The remaining balance of the purchase price will be paid in full before the equipment is shipped, contingent upon the buyer's satisfactory inspection of the equipment.

The buyer's broker will provide a formal Letter of Intent detailing the transaction at the time of the initial deposit.

Kindly confirm how you would prefer the initial deposit and retainer check to be made out, as well as the mailing address for the payment.

I will provide your contact details to the buyer's representatives. The Earnest Money ($95,100) and Letter of Intent will be addressed to your firm. 

You will deduct your attorney fee of $7,500 along with some additional amount as compensation for your time serving as an escrow agent on behalf of our company. The remaining balance will be held in trust pending further instructions.

I look forward to your confirmation and response. Thank you for your assistance.

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Oh yah, hi there Stephen!

Thanks kindly for the update there — much appreciated.

We got the signed engagement letter on our end, all snug and tidy in the file now, so that’s just great. Real nice to be workin’ with folks who keep things buttoned up, y’know? And rest assured, we understand we’re representin’ DNS Disposal LLC only in this here transaction — no confusion there, nope.

Now, about them updated terms — sounds like you and the buyer have yourselves a real solid understanding. Sixty percent earnest money, coverin’ our retainer and then some, with the rest due after inspection — well, that’s just good sense. And we’ll be sure to bake that right into the PSA, clear as day, so everyone’s on the same page and no one's callin' anyone after supper with questions. You have to be careful with these scammers and such.

As for the deposit, you can have the check made out to Fargo Law, PLLC, and just go ahead and send it to:

Fargo Law, PLLC
220 Second Ave S, Suite Home Alabama
Seattle, WA 98104
Attn: Trust Accounting – DNS Disposal Deal

And once we’ve got the check and the Letter of Intent from the buyer’s broker, we’ll get things rollin’. We’ll deduct the $7,500 fee like you mentioned, and then set aside the remainder in our trust account — safe and sound until closing instructions come in. Happy to serve as escrow agent on this one — we’ll treat it like grandma’s lefse recipe: careful hands and no shortcuts.

Appreciate you entrustin’ us with this — we’re lookin’ forward to seein’ it through without any hiccups, lawsuits, or loose bolts.

Talk soon now — and do keep us posted when that LOI and check are on their way, eh?

Warmest regards,

Best Darn Washington Cannabis Lawyer Around

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On Aug 21, 2025, at 8:41 AM, Stephen Gardner <stephengardner7273@gmail.com> wrote:

Hey Super Lawyer,

I think the address you gave me is incorrect. FedEx delivery service is trying to deliver the packages but was told the address is incorrect. Should I send you the tracking number to track and see for yourself?

Regards

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Oh yah, hi there Stephen! Yes. You best send over to me. 

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Hey Bad Mass Mo Fo

Thanks for the update, Lawyer of the Year. Please see tracking number below.

883599594840

Regards

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Oh yah, Stephen, looks like I goofed there, don’tcha know. My bad. That ain’t my address. The right one’s [My addresss with the wrong zip code]. By the way, did ya happen to send my retainer, then?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cheech and Terry

Terry Martinson <terrymartinsonoffice05@gmail.com> 

Cannabis matter

Does your firm handle cannabis law matters?


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We do.

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Hello ________,

I would like to start a lasting relationship with your law firm to help handle legal issues in cannabis transactions in California. AMERICAN CANNABIS COMPANY, 1313 A, 1313 Ocean Front Walk, Venice, CA 90291 wants to buy my two GreenBroz N-Line Trimming Machines and Harvest Bud Sorter Systems.

I want to request that you help with the sales contract and guide the transaction to its completion. Both parties have settled on the terms, cost price, taxation, and terms of delivery. Here are the detailed specifications on the GreenBroz N-Line Trimming Machines and Harvest Bud Sorter Systems.

Is your firm able to help out with this? How much do you charge and what is required for a retainer for this work? Would you please send me a copy of the engagement agreement for my review as well?

Thank you for your time.

Terry Martinson
381 S Ames St #E307,
Lakewood, CO 80226

(303) 607-5135

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Hey Terry,

Far out, man — thanks for reaching out. This is exactly the kind of gig we dig. I mean, cannabis equipment sales? In California? Between Venice Beach and Lakewood? It's like the Super Bud of transactions — laid-back vibes, but it still needs to be airtight.

So yeah, our firm totally handles this kind of work. We'll make sure your deal is legally dialed in, everyone stays compliant, and nobody accidentally ends up trading a trimmer for a surfboard.

Here’s what we’ll handle:

• Drafting a solid sales contract

• Making sure the tax and delivery terms are clean and enforceable

• Ensuring you’re covered if anything goes sideways

• Guiding the whole transaction from “whoa” to “done deal”

Retainer & Fees:
We usually start with a flat $15,000 retainer for straightforward equipment transactions like this. If things stay groovy and simple, we’ll likely come in under that. If it gets complicated (like they want to pay you in crypto or weed coin or something), we’ll check in before going any further.

I’ll shoot over an engagement agreement for your review shortly. You can e-sign it or print it out and roll it into a paper airplane, but e-sign is faster.

Looking forward to working with you, brother.

Peace, pot, and legal protection,

- AP Chong

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terrymartinsonoffice05@gmail.com

Sounds good, let's do it.

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I send this fee agreement

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Excellent Cannabis Lawyer,

I have signed and attached below the retainer agreement. After discussing further with the buyer, more terms need to be included in the sales contract. The buyer’s broker will act on behalf of the buyer.

As agreed, the buyer will make an earnest money deposit of at least 55% of the purchase price ($90,120.00) covering attorney fees which are non-refundable, final inspection, insurance, and service parts for six months. The balance is due before shipment, after satisfactory inspection.

The buyer’s broker will provide a letter of intent with transaction details at the time of deposit.

Please confirm how the deposit check should be made out and your mailing address. I’ll share this with the buyer’s representative. Let me know once they reach out.

Thank you,

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Yo Terry,

Righteous move, my dude — I saw the signed fee agreement come through. That’s the legal version of lighting it up and passing it to the left. Appreciate you making it official.

Sounds like the buyer’s crew added a few more twists to the sesh, huh? No sweat. We can totally bake those into the contract. We’ll make sure the earnest money deposit, broker reps, inspection, and insurance vibes are all legally airtight — nothing harshes the mellow like a busted clause.

As for the deposit check, have it made out to Best Washington Cannabis Lawyer, PLLC — that’s our official legal dojo. You can send it via old-school snail mail to:

Cheech Law, PLLC
220 Second Ave S, Suite 1600
Seattle, WA 98104
Attn: AP Chong (or just write “Legal Wizard” — it’ll still get to me)

Let the buyer’s rep know they can hit me up directly — phone, email, smoke signals — I’m ready. Once they send over the letter of intent, we’ll line everything up like dominos and nudge it forward.

Appreciate you looping me in on this righteous ride. Let’s get this gear moved and the good vibes flowing.

Keep it sticky,

AP Chong
Cheech Law, PLLC

Getting Silly With Gary

 

Dear Gary of the Reel Foot Lake Confederation,

Thank you for your astral transmission regarding the ceremonial transfer of the Caterpillar D10T2 Earth Dragon. I must admit, upon first reading, I assumed “USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR” was a metaphor—perhaps a code name for a powerful but emotionally unavailable ex-lover, or a sentient dune vehicle banished from Arrakis. Imagine my surprise to learn it is in fact an industrial machine.

You mentioned this is a “cash transaction,” which I take to mean that gold doubloons or, ideally, antique bottle caps will be exchanged for goods—though I must caution you: I no longer accept currencies that are haunted or embossed with former Vice Presidents. Also, when you say the sale is “as is,” does that mean we accept the tractor’s current spiritual condition, including any grudges it may hold from prior operators?

As for “shipping costs and risk of damage,” I assume Dream Escape Properties understands that once the tractor leaves your field, it enters a liminal zone of existential uncertainty—a tractor may travel forward physically, yet regress emotionally. Liability in such cases is metaphysically complex.

Now, regarding fees: I operate on a variable rate schedule based on lunar phases, proximity to the equinox, and whether Mercury is in retrograde. Typically, I bill either $700/hour or 11 jars of pickled asparagus, whichever is more ethically sourced. Engagement letters are best delivered via raven, but I can also email a PDF if your network is compatible with interdimensional portals.

Please confirm whether the tractor has any known opinions on philosophy, or if it has ever been accused of whispering ominous Latin phrases to nearby bulldozers.

Yours in torque and confusion,
Aaron

Gary Eagly  garyeagly2@gmail.com

Hello You Best Cannabis Lawyer in Washington,

My company, Reel Foot Lake, has negotiated and agreed to sell its USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR to Dream Escape properties. I need your help to draft the purchase agreement. Attached are the required details of the machine for your review. This transaction is a cash transaction and “as is”, with no financing and the sale closes once full payment is made. The buyer will take responsibility for shipping costs and risk of damage. Timing -Sale will be finalized once both parties have signed the purchase agreement and full payment is made. Could you please let me know what your fee structure is? Kindly email your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thank you for your consideration.

Gary Eagly 

Reel foot lake new Madrid zone 

310-304-4702

Fix Your Font or Talk to the Church Lady

On May 8, 2025, at 12:20 PM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote: I am reaching out to inquire if your firm handles business / contract law matters. I would like to set up a time to discuss. Please let me know your availability. Brian Carlson Carlson Ag Service LLC <Terms1.pdf><John Deere 1775NT Planter.pdf>

On Thu, 8 May 2025 at 8:27 PM, Church Lady Lawyer wrote:

Well, isn’t that special, Brian!

Why yes, we do handle business and contract law matters — helping good folks like yourself keep things tidy and righteous in the eyes of the law and the lord. I’d be delighted to set up a time to chat and see how we can assist your fine establishment, Carlson Ag Service LLC.

Now, why don’t you send along a few dates and times that work for you, and we’ll get something on the calendar faster than you can say, “Well, isn’t that convenient!”

Looking forward to our little chat, Brian.

Bless your heart,

- Super Lawyer

On May 9, 2025, at 5:14 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Church Lady Lawyer,

I’d like to provide some background to clarify the situation. I’m looking to establish a long-term relationship with your law firm to handle our business law matters in Washington. Friehe Farms is interested in purchasing my John Deere Planter. Specifically, I’ve agreed to sell a 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter to Friehe Farms 1502 T Rd NE, Moses Lake, WA 98837. who wants to increase their crop production for this and future farming seasons.

I would appreciate your assistance in drafting the purchase and sale agreement and overseeing the transaction through to closing. The terms and price have already been agreed upon by both parties. I’ve attached the details of the 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, along with the agreed-upon terms, for your review.

A few questions: Is this something you can assist with? What are your fees and retainer requirements for this service? Additionally, could you send me your engagement agreement for review?

I look forward to working with you! Thanks.

Brian Carlson

President and CEO 

Carlson Ag Service L.L.C

2448 Dillon Rd,

Marshalltown, IA 50158

(956) 606-3004

On Mon, 12 May 2025 at 8:03 PM, Church Lady> wrote:

Brian, well well well… isn’t that special?

A shiny new 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, a budding business relationship, and a good old-fashioned handshake deal—how quaint! Why, it almost warms the cockles of my heart, if I had any. But of course, as we know, the Lord helps those who help themselves... to a proper purchase and sale agreement, lest things go the way of the serpent.

Now, is this something I can assist with? Oh heavens yes. Drafting airtight agreements and guiding good folks like yourself through transactions is just the sort of righteous work we do around here, when we’re not busy casting out the demons of ambiguity and confusion from other contracts, of course.

As for fees and retainer, I’ll have my office send you the engagement agreement shortly. It’ll include all the juicy little details like our hourly rates and payment structure, nothing sinful, I assure you.

I do look forward to working with you, Brian. And let’s all be thankful it’s a planter you’re selling and not something really scandalous... like a vibrating seed spreader.

Blessings,
CL

On May 14, 2025, at 3:12 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Church Lady Lawyer,

I’m glad you can assist. Kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thanks

Regards

 Dear Bryan Bo Bian,

Thank you ever so kindly for reaching out. It warms my heart to see folks eager to do things properly and decently in this world of chaos and moral decay. Why, it's almost as if someone is trying to follow the rules. What a novel idea!

Now, as for your request to receive a retainer agreement before we’ve seen the check? Hmm… let me think… who could be behind that kind of thinking? Could it be… Saaay-tan?!

We here at this upright, God-fearing law firm have a very simple policy: no retainer agreement goes out the door until we’ve received the initial $10,000 payment. It's not that we don’t trust you, dear, but you know what they say about good intentions paving a certain rather warm road.

Once that check arrives safe and sound, we’ll be happier than a televangelist in a tax loophole to get everything squared away and official.

Blessings,

Your Cannabis Lawyer 

 

Fix Your Font or Deal With Fog Horn

> On Apr 20, 2025, at 4:19 PM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> 
> I am reaching out to inquire if your firm handles business / contract law matters. I would like to set up a time to discuss. Please let me know your availability.
> 
> Brian Carlson
> Carlson Ag Service LLC
> 

On Mon, 21 Apr 2025 at 5:07 AM, The Best Damn Lawyer in Washington wrote:

Darn toot’in’. What ya’ got goin’ on Mr Carlson? 

 

On Apr 23, 2025, at 3:36 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Weed Lawyer that is shockingly handsome,

I’d like to provide some background to clarify the situation. I’m looking to establish a long-term relationship with your law firm to handle our business law matters in Washington. Friehe Farms is interested in purchasing my John Deere Planter. Specifically, I’ve agreed to sell a 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter to Friehe Farms 1502 T Rd NE, Moses Lake, WA 98837. who wants to increase their crop production for this and future farming seasons.

I would appreciate your assistance in drafting the purchase and sale agreement and overseeing the transaction through to closing. The terms and price have already been agreed upon by both parties. I’ve attached the details of the 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, along with the agreed-upon terms, for your review.

A few questions: Is this something you can assist with? What are your fees and retainer requirements for this service? Additionally, could you send me your engagement agreement for review?

I look forward to working with you! Thanks.

Brian Carlson

President and CEO 

Carlson Ag Service L.L.C

2448 Dillon Rd,

Marshalltown, IA 50158

(956) 606-3004

 Nice font. 

On Wed, 23 Apr 2025 at 10:06 PM,  The Best Cannabis Lawyer wrote:

Well now, I say, I say, Mr. Carlson,

You’ve come to the right rooster, I mean, lawyer, I say. I read your message faster than a fox in a henhouse and I do appreciate you takin’ the time to lay the groundwork for this deal — sounds like you're servin’ up more than corn in Moses Lake, if you catch my drift.

Now as for that 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, why, that's a fine machine! I tell ya, she’s got more value than a double-yolk egg at breakfast time, and if both parties already got the terms settled, we’re halfway to the barn already.

I’d be happier than a June bug in a porch light to help draft the purchase and sale agreement and walk this through to closing smoother than a buttered biscuit. I’ll get you my engagement agreement faster than a chicken on a junebug, and I’ll include the fee structure and retainer requirements as well — clear and clean like a fresh-washed tractor.

Expect that engagement agreement shortly. And Mr. Carlson, I say, I do look forward to workin’ with you. Let’s get this planter planted in the right legal soil, if you know what I mean.

Yours in law and loquaciousness,

The Super Lawyer

AP

 

On Apr 24, 2025, at 9:50 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Sounds good, kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signing.

Regards

On Apr 24, 2025, at 11:50 AM 

 I say, I say now listen here, son—

This ain’t no ordinary legal shindig. Our firm, we ain’t gonna charge you a red cent, not a dime, not even a button off your coat for this one. That’s right, free as a breeze on a porch swing in July. We don’t need no fancy fee agreement or signature in blood. Just your good word and a nod’ll do.

So you just holler back and let us know it’s all right to get started draftin’ up that contract for the tractor sale. We’ll get to work faster than a rooster at sunrise. That’s a guarantee, boy.

Now go on and take your time, but not too much time. This legal rooster’s ready to crow.

 

God bless you please Mr. Robertson

HA! This one is awesome. Clown sent me two different scams in the same email thread. 

FIRST MESSAGE

jimmrobertson@zohomail.com

Good day, 

I need your firm's assistance on a legal representation in Oregon.

Jim

Sent using Zoho Mail

NEW MESSAGE

Hello Dead Sexy Cannabis Law Firm,

Thanks for getting back to me. Let me elaborate a bit more about my case, it is regarding an unpaid loan in Oregon. If this is a matter your firm can assist me with, please let me know so that i can place a call through to you. I am attaching the loan agreement between myself and a friend, I doubt if I can still consider him a friend because of what I have been through till now trying to get my money back from him. I loaned William the sum of $380,000.00 Dollars in November 2021. The loan is past due for payment since November 10th 2024 and he is yet to pay me back my money.

I have also attached my bank statement of account indicating therein when the loaned amount was wired to him.

 

His name and address for your conflict check is as stated below.

 

FIRST LOCAL COMPANY

Portland, OR 97211    

The last email correspondence from him could be seen below. However, payment has not yet been received as indicated in his email.

 

Kindly let me know the next step on how to go about it and your retainer fees.

 

Regards,

 

Jim

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----Original Message-----

 

From: James Robertson <jimmrobertson@zohomail.com> 

To: billdhamilton@protonmail.com

Sent: Fri, Nov 29, 2024 8:43 AM

Subject: Follow up on the loan repayment

 

 

Hello William,

 

I am following up regarding the money I loaned you, which you know is past due for payment. At this point, if I don’t hear back from you within 72 hours, with a definite date of the loan repayment, you will be hearing from my legal representative.

 

James

 

 

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------

 

From: William Hamilton <billdhamilton@protonmail.com>

Date: Thu, Dec 12, 2024 at 10:35 PM

Subject: Follow up on the payments

To: jimmrobertson@zohomail.com

 

 

Jim,

I apologize about the delay in making payments. I have been trying to contact you, but I am unable to get a hold of you. I was told by Ed about your health, the more reason i wanted to explain my situation and let you know that I am expecting some cash soonest and I intend to pay the loan as soon as the cash comes in. However, I would like to ask you to please hold off on involving any legal representations, as you mentioned in your last email and let us solve this amicably between us. Again, I am so sorry for the inconveniences that I have caused you.

 

Thanks,

 

Bill

Sent using Zoho Mail

NEW MESSAGE

James, 

I am happy to help. Our firm requires a 10k retainer and fee agreement. When is a good time for us to get on a Zoom conference call? 

NEW MESSAGE

Do you have a number I can call you at? If so, when is the best time to call?

NEW MESSAGE

I can be reached in the afternoons at 516 585 6267.

Jim

Sent using Zoho Mail

NEW MESSAGE 

 Hello Awesome Cannabis Lawyer,

Thanks for getting back to me. Let me elaborate a bit more about my case, it is regarding an unpaid loan in Rhode Island. If this is a matter your firm can assist me with, please let me know so that i can place a call through to you. I am attaching the loan agreement between myself and a friend, I doubt if I can still consider him a friend because of what I have been through till now trying to get my money back from him. I loaned William the sum of $380,000.00 Dollars in November 2021. The loan is past due for payment since November 10th 2024 and he is yet to pay me back my money.

I have also attached my bank statement of account indicating therein when the loaned amount was wired to him.

 

His name and address for your conflict check is as stated below.

 

LOCAL COMPANY NAME ON ONE SIDE OF THE COUNTRY 

Narragansett, RI

   

The last email correspondence from him could be seen below. However, payment has not yet been received as indicated in his email.

 

Kindly let me know the next step on how to go about it and your retainer fees.

 

Regards,

 

Jim

 

 

 

 

-----Original Message-----

 

From: James Robertson <jimmrobertson@zohomail.com> 

To: billdhamilton@protonmail.com

Sent: Fri, Nov 29, 2024 8:43 AM

Subject: Follow up on the loan repayment

 

 

Hello William,

 

I am following up regarding the money I loaned you, which you know is past due for payment. At this point, if I don’t hear back from you within 72 hours, with a definite date of the loan repayment, you will be hearing from my legal representative.

 

James

 

 

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------

 

From: William Hamilton <billdhamilton@protonmail.com>

Date: Thu, Dec 12, 2024 at 10:35 PM

Subject: Follow up on the payments

To: jimmrobertson@zohomail.com

 

 

Jim,

I apologize about the delay in making payments. I have been trying to contact you, but I am unable to get a hold of you. I was told by Ed about your health, the more reason i wanted to explain my situation and let you know that I am expecting some cash soonest and I intend to pay the loan as soon as the cash comes in. However, I would like to ask you to please hold off on involving any legal representations, as you mentioned in your last email and let us solve this amicably between us. Again, I am so sorry for the inconveniences that I have caused you.

 

Thanks,

 

Bill

Sent using Zoho Mail