The Big Lebowski Abides

arleye184@gmail.com

Subject Lease Agreement Assistance Needed

 Dear Attorney,

We are in need of legal assistance concerning a lease agreement. If you're able to assist, that would be greatly appreciated. If not, we would be thankful for any referrals to someone who may be able to help.  

Sincerely,

Arley Enloe,
President
Enloe Drilling & Pumps Inc
507 Hummingbird Lane,Talent, OR 97540
United States

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sure. Tell me what you have going on.

- Dude

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCXXXXXX

We intend to lease our DP3 intervention equipment for a period of 12 months, and we need an attorney to help draft the lease agreement. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCXXXXXX

Far out. Leasing your DP3 intervention equipment for 12 months — that’s, like, a very achievable reality, man.

I can help you get a lease together that says what it needs to say without, you know, letting anybody walk all over your rug. We’ll want to lay out the basics: who’s leasing, how long, how much, what happens if the thing gets dinged up, who’s responsible for maintenance, insurance stuff — all the boring but important business that keeps things from turning into, like, a whole scene.

If you can send over a little more detail — who the lessee is, where the equipment’s going to live, and whether this is a straight lease or lease-with-option-to-buy — I can build something that really ties the deal together.

In the meantime, yeah, I can help with this.

The Dude

(P.S. if this is time-sensitive, just say so — sometimes the calendar’s, like, not super chill.)

Aaron (the dude) 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCXXXXXX

Hello Aaron,

Thank you for your response. I’d like to engage your services to draft a commercial lease agreement between Enloe Drilling & Pumps Inc. and Holocene Drilling, Inc.
(Puyallup, WA) for the lease of our DP3 Well Intervention Equipment over a 12-month term.

Scope of work:

Draft the lease agreement

Review supporting documents

Provide legal input as needed

The transaction value is approx. USD 3.4M, handled by my company. We plan to start by the second week of November 2025. I’ll share previous lease samples to expedite your review.

Please forward your retainer agreement based on your hourly rate. I expect the matter to take no more than 20 hours in total. Once reviewed, we can schedule a call to finalize and proceed.

Holocene Drilling, Inc
11412 62nd Ave E, Puyallup, WA 98373

I’m available Mon–Fri, 11 a.m.–4 p.m. (EST) at the number below.

Best regards,
Arley Enloe
President | Enloe Drilling & Pumps Inc.
507 Hummingbird Ln, Talent, OR 97540
Direct: (678) 223-3011

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCXXXXXX

Hey Arley,

Yeah, man, I can totally help you out with this. Sounds like a solid gig — twelve months, big-ticket equipment, all very above board and whatnot. We’ll just make sure the lease keeps everyone happy and nobody’s toes — or, you know, multi-million-dollar tools — get stepped on.

You send me those sample leases, and I’ll brew up a new one that fits your deal. I’ll throw in the usual stuff — who’s responsible when the thing breaks, who’s gotta insure it, what happens if someone disappears to Puyallup with your gear — the whole legal jazz.

My rate’s hourly, man, so I’ll send over my retainer agreement. We’ll start there, and once the papers are in order, we can hop on a call, maybe pour a coffee, talk it out. You’re on Eastern time, I’m out West — we’ll make it work.

Appreciate you laying it out so clearly, Arley. You sound like a guy who knows his drill bits.

Talk soon,
The Dude
(or, you know… Aaron, if we’re keeping it official)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCXXXXXX

Thank you for your message , I appreciate your willingness to assist with the lease drafting. I will get the sample lease and forward it to you later so you can review the structure and terms we have used previously.

Kindly go ahead and send your retainer agreement.Once we receive your retainer agreement, we will review and confirm so we can proceed. I am glad we are aligned on the overall approach, and I look forward to working with you on this project.

Best regards,


Arley Enloe
President
Enloe Drilling & Pumps Inc
507 Hummingbird Lane,Talent, OR 97540
United States
📞 (678) 223-3011 (Direct)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCXXXXXX

Hey Arley,

Right on — thanks for the quick reply.

Go ahead and send over that sample lease whenever you’ve got it handy and I’ll take a look at how you’ve been doing these so far. Always easier to roll with the deal you already have than reinvent the whole ball, you know?

In the meantime, my retainer agreement is attached — it lays out the rate ($750/hr) and the $7,500 retainer to get us up and rolling. Once you sign off on that, we’re good to start drafting and tightening things up for the DP3 lease.

Appreciate you keeping this nice and straightforward. Looking forward to working with you on it.

The Dude
(Aaron)

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY''

They actually signed this fee agreement 

The Dude’s Legal Services Agreement

(Because, you know, new information has come to light)

Between:

Aaron Dude, Esq. — “The Dude” (hereinafter, “Counsel,” “me,” or “the guy doing the law stuff”)

and

Client: Arley Enloe / Enloe Drilling & Pumps, Inc. (hereinafter, “Client,” “You,” or “the other Dude”)

Date: 10/30/2025

1. What This Whole Thing Is About

You’ve got a deal — a big, beautiful piece of equipment, a lease, and some folks in Puyallup. I’ve agreed to draft the paperwork, review the samples, and make sure everyone abides.

This document explains how we’ll roll. Nothing heavy, just what we need so nobody pees on the rug.

2. Scope of Work

I’ll:

• Draft a commercial lease agreement for your DP3 Well Intervention Equipment for a 12-month term.

• Review any sample or past leases you’ve got lying around.

• Offer legal advice and input where it counts.

• Make sure this thing doesn’t end up a total, you know, parlance of our times situation.

If you decide to expand the scope (more documents, extra terms, cross-state shenanigans), we’ll chat before I rack up more time.

3. Fees and Retainer

My rate is $750 per hour, billed in 0.1-hour (six-minute) increments.

Before we start rolling, you’ll put down a retainer of $7,500. That goes into my trust account — like a sacred beverage fund. I bill against it as I work. When it runs low, I’ll let you know, and you can toss in another.

If we wrap up and there’s money left, it flows back to you. The Dude doesn’t hoard retainers.

4. Billing and Payment

You’ll get detailed invoices showing what was done, how long it took, and why. Payment is due within 15 days of the invoice date.

If you hit a rough patch, man, just communicate. This aggression will not stand, but conversation will.

5. Termination (The End of the Line)

Either of us can walk away at any time. Just send a quick written notice — no drama.

If you end it, I’ll finish up what’s in motion and send a final bill. If I end it, I’ll give you a heads-up and make sure you’re not stranded like Donny out there in the lane.

6. Confidentiality

What’s said between us stays between us. No leaks, no random tales told at the bowling alley.

Except if the law says otherwise — in which case, I’ll let you know before anything gets spilled.

7. Governing Law

We’re playing under Washington State law, man. It’s a fine state — wet, procedural, sometimes cranky, but it abides.

If something goes sideways, we’ll try to sort it out through talking before dragging anyone to court.

8. The Spirit of the Thing

Look — this is a business deal, sure. But business doesn’t have to be a bummer. We’ll treat each other fair, stay transparent, and keep the vibe good.

No nihilists. No Larrys smashing Corvettes. Just two dudes handling business like gentlemen of the lane.

Signatures

Aaron Pelley, Esq.

aka The Dude Who Practices Law

Date: _______________

Arley Enloe

for Enloe Drilling & Pumps, Inc.

Date: _______________

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello Aaron,

I am writing to confirm that we are ready to proceed with engaging your firm to provide the following services:

Drafting the lease agreement

Amending the lease agreement, if necessary

Reviewing supporting documents related to the lease

Holding the offer deposit

Kindly confirm receipt of the signed retainer agreement at your earliest convenience.

For payment purposes, please provide the following details:
The name to which the cashier’s check should be made payable
The preferred mailing address for sending the check

I have also spoken with the broker regarding the lease and the next steps. To move forward, we will require an offer letter outlining the lessee’s preferred terms and the proposed lease process. This will help ensure that all parties are aligned before the lease agreement is drafted.

In addition, the broker will be sending you a Letter of Intent (LOI), along with the holding deposit,anticipated to be between $100,000 and $300,000—as you will be managing the transaction. This deposit will secure the negotiation period and prevent consideration of other offers during that time.

I look forward to your confirmation.

Best regards,


Arley Enloe
President
Enloe Drilling & Pumps Inc
507 Hummingbird Lane,Talent, OR 97540
United States
📞 (678) 223-3011 (Direct)

Scammer (Dr. Bruce E Sands) vs Sean Connery

 From. drbruceesands89@gmail.com

Hi, I'm looking for a business lawyer with extensive knowledge of contract drafting. Warm regards

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Dishes

Dishes Who?

Dishes Sean Connery, here to help you my exshtishiv knowledge of contracts. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi Sean, I have negotiated and agreed to sell the Siemens MAGNETOM Verio 3.0T  to [local unsuspecting company name here] I need your help to draft the purchase agreement. Attached are the required details of the machine for your review. This transaction is a cash transaction and “as is”, with no financing and sale closes once full payment is made. This is a no title Machine. The Buyer wants the agreement to be governed by the laws of their state. Buyer will take responsibility for shipping cost and risk of damage. Timing -Sale will be finalized once both parties have signed the purchase agreement and full payment made. What is your rate and cost of representation? Kindly email your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thank you for your consideration.



Dr. Bruce E. Sands
5 E 98th St, New York, NY
787-607-9429

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dr. Sands,

Ah, the Siemens MAGNETOM Verio 3.0T… a fine machine indeed. Very powerful. Very imprehssive. Cash only, you shay? That’s the way to do it. None of this flim-flam financing. And “ash is, no title”? That’s bold, my boy. Remindsh me of a proper game of baccarat — you win, you take the pot, and you walk away smiling.

The buyer paying shipping and taking the rishk of damage? Remarkable. You’ve tilted the table in your favor, and I admire that. It’sh almost Bond-like. Almost.

Now, as for me, I’ll draft your agreement. It’ll be tight, bulletproof, not a shingle word out of place. Governed by their shtate law? Fine. I’ve wrestled with tougher opponents than that, and I always come out on top.

My rates? Fair. My engagement letter? Straightforward. When you hire me, you’re not just getting a lawyer. You’re getting someone who can charm the Queen, outdrink the villains, and shtill have time to win the game at the end of the day.

I’ll send you the letter for review and shigning. Together we’ll make this transaction smoother than a well-aged Scotch.

Aaron

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Fee Agreement I sent that he signed and sent back to me

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My good man,

You’ve forgotten the attachment. A simple enough lapse, but let us have it remedied at once. Kindly resend with the signed agreement attached.

Now, let us set our terms in black and white. These have been discussed with the buyer and accepted in principle, and they are to be built into the standard contract you will prepare.

The buyer is represented by a broker. The present understanding is as follows:
• The buyer shall tender an initial deposit of not less than 180,500 USD. This deposit will also fund the attorney retainer.
• Any attorney fees drawn from the initial deposit are non-refundable.
• The initial deposit must be received within seven business days prior to contract signing, to demonstrate commitment to the purchase.
• The full balance is due prior to shipment of the equipment. Payment follows the buyer’s satisfactory certification of inspection.
• At the time the initial deposit is made, the buyer’s broker will provide a Letter of Intent setting out the particulars of the transaction.

Kindly confirm the exact payee name for the initial deposit check. Once I have it, I shall furnish your information to the buyer’s representative so we are all rowing in the same direction. Do advise if, and when, contact is made.

Regards,

Mr. Connery

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

I have forwarded your above information to the buyer representative regarding the initial deposit of $180,500 payable to your law firm. Inorder for we both to be on same pages, I will request you to provide me details 

1: Name on the cheque for the initial deposit of $180,500

2: mailing address.


I await your prompt response ASAP so I can relate same to the buyer representative and do let me know when contact is made

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

The League of Extraordinary Litigators is the name of our firm. Our mailing address is:

The League of Extraordinary Litigators

2510 Western Ave Suite 500

Seattle, WA 98121

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Will forward your above information to the buyer representative and let me know when contact is made.

Robert vs Hunter S. Thompson

robertschofield882@gmail.com

 I wanted to inquire whether Contract Law or Commercial Lease Agreement falls within the scope of your firm's practice. Your firm was referred to me by the state bar referral service.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your response.

Best regards,

Robert Schofield

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Yes we do!

Aaron

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello Aaron S Thompson,

Thank you for getting back to me regarding my request for potential legal representation.

I would like to engage your services to draft a commercial lease agreement between my company and Dickerson Well Drilling, Inc.,  located in your state. We are currently negotiating the terms of a 12-month lease for our DP3 Well Intervention Equipment, in anticipation of their upcoming contract.

We will need your assistance with the following:

• Drafting the lease agreement

• Reviewing the required lease documentation

• Providing legal advice if necessary (we will handle the core negotiations)

The total value of this transaction is approximately $3,400,000, which will be managed by my company. We aim to begin this project in the second week of October 2025. To facilitate the process, I will provide you with copies of our previous lease agreements for reference.

Please send over a retainer agreement based on your hourly rate. I estimate this project will require no more than 20 hours of your time. My schedule is quite full this week, but I’d like to review your retainer agreement and then set a time to discuss the lease draft and next steps.

If you have any questions or need further information, don’t hesitate to reach out.

---

Lessee Conflict Check:
Unsuspecting Local Company Name Here

---

I am available Monday to Friday, from 11:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can reach me at the number listed in my signature below. Let me know your availability so we can coordinate accordingly.

I look forward to working with you on this project.

Regards,

 

Robert Schofield
President
Shamrock Well & Pump
45 Industrial Road
Suite 207
Cumberland , RI 02864
📞 401-889-2033 (Direct)
📱 656-789-2203 (WhatsApp Only)


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Mr. Schofield,

Well, hellfire and hydraulic pressure—$3.4 million worth of hot, spinning steel and contractual peril. I can already smell the diesel fumes and existential liability wafting off this DP3 monstrosity like a fever dream in a West Texas sandstorm.

You want a lease? Good. You need a lease. Because without one, my friend, you’re one busted valve away from a courtroom rodeo with no saddle. I’ll draft the document. I’ll read the fine print with the paranoia of a man who once watched a judge cry over a lost wrench. And if things go sideways—and they always try to—I’ll be ready to push the button labeled “Legal Advice” and brace for impact.

Conflict check is clear. Dickerson’s not on my blacklist… yet.

Here's how we’ll ride this beast:

• Hourly Rate: $1000 an hour (don't worry, no gold-plated invoices—just the blood, sweat, and ink).

• Retainer Agreement: En route shortly. Clean, sharp, and easy on the eyes.

• Estimated Hours: 20? Sure. But like drilling into shale, you never know what kind of pressure’s hiding down there.

• Timeline: Second week of October? That gives us just enough time to draft, revise, and mutter darkly about indemnification clauses under flickering fluorescent lights.

Send me the old leases. I’ll cannibalize the best parts and toss the rest into the fires of modern jurisprudence.

I’m around this week, mostly lucid between 12 and 3 PM Pacific. Let me know when you’re free and we’ll sync up—no tie required.

Hold fast.
Aaron S Thompson
Attorney-at-Law, Dream Wrangler, Occasional Scribe


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Talking Fargo with Stephen Gardner

Stephen Gardner 

stephengardner7273@gmail.com

CONSULTATION

Hello,
I am reaching out to schedule a time to discuss an environmental law matter. Does your firm do such legal work?

Please email your convenient date and time for a telephone call.


Stephen Gardner, Owner
Dns Disposal LLC.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You betcha we do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello Best Cannabis Lawyer This Side of That Side,

We are a waste management company interested in building a long-lasting Attorney-Client Relationship with your law firm to handle both our present and future environmental law matters, with Advice concerning environmental issues in financing and business transactions in OR. We're looking forward to setting up a branch office in OR before the end of the year 2025. In the meantime, Affordable Junk Removal is interested in purchasing my 2000 R-Tech HD 3850 Dual Shaft Shredder. I have discussed and agreed to sell the Shredder to Affordable Junk Removal 6639 SE 65th Ave, Portland, OR 97206. I need your legal services to prepare a PSA / Bill of sale and to handle sales through closing. The purchase price and terms have been agreed by both parties. 

The 2000 R-Tech HD 3850 Dual Shaft Shredder and agreed terms are attached. 

Being that this is my first time working with your firm, I would like to ask a few questions, Is this something you have handled in the past? Can you get this done? What is your rate and required retainer fee for this kind of work? Can you email your engagement agreement for my perusal.

I look forward to working with you!

Sincerely,

Stephen Gardner, Owner
DNS Disposal LLC
8 Boxcar Blvd,
Tewksbury, MA 01876
Phone: (401) 830-0069

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh yah, hi there Stephen!

Well gosh, thanks for reachin’ out like that. We’d sure be happy to help you out with the sale of your big ol’ R-Tech HD 3850 Dual Shaft Shredder—sounds like quite the unit, don’tcha know. And it’s always nice to see folks lookin’ to build somethin’ long-term and respectable, y’know?

Now, as far as your questions go:

• Oh yah, we’ve definitely handled purchase agreements and bill o’ sales for equipment sales just like this. Nothin’ too outta the ordinary—well, aside from the shredder itself, which sounds like it could chew through a hockey rink, if ya let it.

• Yup, we can absolutely get this done for ya, no problem there.

• As for the rate and retainer, we usually start with a small retainer—I'll have my team send over the engagement letter so you can give it a gander, no pressure. It lays out everything plain as lefse.

I'll go ahead and review those attached terms, and we’ll get that engagement agreement over to ya real soon so you can take a peek and decide how you’d like to proceed.

Thanks again for reachin’ out, Stephen. Lookin’ forward to helpin’ you get this done and maybe even workin’ together down the road when you set up shop in Oregon.

Best wishes and warm regards.

- AP Fargo

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Aaron,

Thanks for the update. Kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signature.

Regards

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. FEE AGREEMENT 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello [My Name Here],

This is to confirm that DNS Disposal LLC has officially retained your firm to represent us in this sale transaction. Please note that your firm will be representing DNS Disposal LLC only in this matter. Attached is the signed engagement letter for your records.

Following further discussions with the buyer, some additional terms have been mutually agreed upon, and I would like these terms to be included in the contract you will prepare. These have been verbally discussed and confirmed with the buyer. Please note that Affordable Junk Removal will be represented by their broker.

The key terms are as follows:

The buyer will provide an initial deposit (Earnest Money), which will also cover the attorney retainer fees.

The Earnest Money will be no less than 60% of the total purchase price ($158,500), and the deposit will also include attorney fees. Please note, the attorney fees deducted from the initial deposit are non-refundable.

The remaining balance of the purchase price will be paid in full before the equipment is shipped, contingent upon the buyer's satisfactory inspection of the equipment.

The buyer's broker will provide a formal Letter of Intent detailing the transaction at the time of the initial deposit.

Kindly confirm how you would prefer the initial deposit and retainer check to be made out, as well as the mailing address for the payment.

I will provide your contact details to the buyer's representatives. The Earnest Money ($95,100) and Letter of Intent will be addressed to your firm. 

You will deduct your attorney fee of $7,500 along with some additional amount as compensation for your time serving as an escrow agent on behalf of our company. The remaining balance will be held in trust pending further instructions.

I look forward to your confirmation and response. Thank you for your assistance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh yah, hi there Stephen!

Thanks kindly for the update there — much appreciated.

We got the signed engagement letter on our end, all snug and tidy in the file now, so that’s just great. Real nice to be workin’ with folks who keep things buttoned up, y’know? And rest assured, we understand we’re representin’ DNS Disposal LLC only in this here transaction — no confusion there, nope.

Now, about them updated terms — sounds like you and the buyer have yourselves a real solid understanding. Sixty percent earnest money, coverin’ our retainer and then some, with the rest due after inspection — well, that’s just good sense. And we’ll be sure to bake that right into the PSA, clear as day, so everyone’s on the same page and no one's callin' anyone after supper with questions. You have to be careful with these scammers and such.

As for the deposit, you can have the check made out to Fargo Law, PLLC, and just go ahead and send it to:

Fargo Law, PLLC
220 Second Ave S, Suite Home Alabama
Seattle, WA 98104
Attn: Trust Accounting – DNS Disposal Deal

And once we’ve got the check and the Letter of Intent from the buyer’s broker, we’ll get things rollin’. We’ll deduct the $7,500 fee like you mentioned, and then set aside the remainder in our trust account — safe and sound until closing instructions come in. Happy to serve as escrow agent on this one — we’ll treat it like grandma’s lefse recipe: careful hands and no shortcuts.

Appreciate you entrustin’ us with this — we’re lookin’ forward to seein’ it through without any hiccups, lawsuits, or loose bolts.

Talk soon now — and do keep us posted when that LOI and check are on their way, eh?

Warmest regards,

Best Darn Washington Cannabis Lawyer Around

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On Aug 21, 2025, at 8:41 AM, Stephen Gardner <stephengardner7273@gmail.com> wrote:

Hey Super Lawyer,

I think the address you gave me is incorrect. FedEx delivery service is trying to deliver the packages but was told the address is incorrect. Should I send you the tracking number to track and see for yourself?

Regards

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh yah, hi there Stephen! Yes. You best send over to me. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hey Bad Mass Mo Fo

Thanks for the update, Lawyer of the Year. Please see tracking number below.

883599594840

Regards

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Oh yah, Stephen, looks like I goofed there, don’tcha know. My bad. That ain’t my address. The right one’s [My addresss with the wrong zip code]. By the way, did ya happen to send my retainer, then?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cheech and Terry

Terry Martinson <terrymartinsonoffice05@gmail.com> 

Cannabis matter

Does your firm handle cannabis law matters?


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


We do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello ________,

I would like to start a lasting relationship with your law firm to help handle legal issues in cannabis transactions in California. AMERICAN CANNABIS COMPANY, 1313 A, 1313 Ocean Front Walk, Venice, CA 90291 wants to buy my two GreenBroz N-Line Trimming Machines and Harvest Bud Sorter Systems.

I want to request that you help with the sales contract and guide the transaction to its completion. Both parties have settled on the terms, cost price, taxation, and terms of delivery. Here are the detailed specifications on the GreenBroz N-Line Trimming Machines and Harvest Bud Sorter Systems.

Is your firm able to help out with this? How much do you charge and what is required for a retainer for this work? Would you please send me a copy of the engagement agreement for my review as well?

Thank you for your time.

Terry Martinson
381 S Ames St #E307,
Lakewood, CO 80226

(303) 607-5135

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hey Terry,

Far out, man — thanks for reaching out. This is exactly the kind of gig we dig. I mean, cannabis equipment sales? In California? Between Venice Beach and Lakewood? It's like the Super Bud of transactions — laid-back vibes, but it still needs to be airtight.

So yeah, our firm totally handles this kind of work. We'll make sure your deal is legally dialed in, everyone stays compliant, and nobody accidentally ends up trading a trimmer for a surfboard.

Here’s what we’ll handle:

• Drafting a solid sales contract

• Making sure the tax and delivery terms are clean and enforceable

• Ensuring you’re covered if anything goes sideways

• Guiding the whole transaction from “whoa” to “done deal”

Retainer & Fees:
We usually start with a flat $15,000 retainer for straightforward equipment transactions like this. If things stay groovy and simple, we’ll likely come in under that. If it gets complicated (like they want to pay you in crypto or weed coin or something), we’ll check in before going any further.

I’ll shoot over an engagement agreement for your review shortly. You can e-sign it or print it out and roll it into a paper airplane, but e-sign is faster.

Looking forward to working with you, brother.

Peace, pot, and legal protection,

- AP Chong

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

terrymartinsonoffice05@gmail.com

Sounds good, let's do it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I send this fee agreement

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Excellent Cannabis Lawyer,

I have signed and attached below the retainer agreement. After discussing further with the buyer, more terms need to be included in the sales contract. The buyer’s broker will act on behalf of the buyer.

As agreed, the buyer will make an earnest money deposit of at least 55% of the purchase price ($90,120.00) covering attorney fees which are non-refundable, final inspection, insurance, and service parts for six months. The balance is due before shipment, after satisfactory inspection.

The buyer’s broker will provide a letter of intent with transaction details at the time of deposit.

Please confirm how the deposit check should be made out and your mailing address. I’ll share this with the buyer’s representative. Let me know once they reach out.

Thank you,

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Yo Terry,

Righteous move, my dude — I saw the signed fee agreement come through. That’s the legal version of lighting it up and passing it to the left. Appreciate you making it official.

Sounds like the buyer’s crew added a few more twists to the sesh, huh? No sweat. We can totally bake those into the contract. We’ll make sure the earnest money deposit, broker reps, inspection, and insurance vibes are all legally airtight — nothing harshes the mellow like a busted clause.

As for the deposit check, have it made out to Best Washington Cannabis Lawyer, PLLC — that’s our official legal dojo. You can send it via old-school snail mail to:

Cheech Law, PLLC
220 Second Ave S, Suite 1600
Seattle, WA 98104
Attn: AP Chong (or just write “Legal Wizard” — it’ll still get to me)

Let the buyer’s rep know they can hit me up directly — phone, email, smoke signals — I’m ready. Once they send over the letter of intent, we’ll line everything up like dominos and nudge it forward.

Appreciate you looping me in on this righteous ride. Let’s get this gear moved and the good vibes flowing.

Keep it sticky,

AP Chong
Cheech Law, PLLC

Getting Silly With Gary

 

Dear Gary of the Reel Foot Lake Confederation,

Thank you for your astral transmission regarding the ceremonial transfer of the Caterpillar D10T2 Earth Dragon. I must admit, upon first reading, I assumed “USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR” was a metaphor—perhaps a code name for a powerful but emotionally unavailable ex-lover, or a sentient dune vehicle banished from Arrakis. Imagine my surprise to learn it is in fact an industrial machine.

You mentioned this is a “cash transaction,” which I take to mean that gold doubloons or, ideally, antique bottle caps will be exchanged for goods—though I must caution you: I no longer accept currencies that are haunted or embossed with former Vice Presidents. Also, when you say the sale is “as is,” does that mean we accept the tractor’s current spiritual condition, including any grudges it may hold from prior operators?

As for “shipping costs and risk of damage,” I assume Dream Escape Properties understands that once the tractor leaves your field, it enters a liminal zone of existential uncertainty—a tractor may travel forward physically, yet regress emotionally. Liability in such cases is metaphysically complex.

Now, regarding fees: I operate on a variable rate schedule based on lunar phases, proximity to the equinox, and whether Mercury is in retrograde. Typically, I bill either $700/hour or 11 jars of pickled asparagus, whichever is more ethically sourced. Engagement letters are best delivered via raven, but I can also email a PDF if your network is compatible with interdimensional portals.

Please confirm whether the tractor has any known opinions on philosophy, or if it has ever been accused of whispering ominous Latin phrases to nearby bulldozers.

Yours in torque and confusion,
Aaron

Gary Eagly  garyeagly2@gmail.com

Hello You Best Cannabis Lawyer in Washington,

My company, Reel Foot Lake, has negotiated and agreed to sell its USED CATERPILLAR D10T2 TRACTOR to Dream Escape properties. I need your help to draft the purchase agreement. Attached are the required details of the machine for your review. This transaction is a cash transaction and “as is”, with no financing and the sale closes once full payment is made. The buyer will take responsibility for shipping costs and risk of damage. Timing -Sale will be finalized once both parties have signed the purchase agreement and full payment is made. Could you please let me know what your fee structure is? Kindly email your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thank you for your consideration.

Gary Eagly 

Reel foot lake new Madrid zone 

310-304-4702

Fix Your Font or Talk to the Church Lady

On May 8, 2025, at 12:20 PM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote: I am reaching out to inquire if your firm handles business / contract law matters. I would like to set up a time to discuss. Please let me know your availability. Brian Carlson Carlson Ag Service LLC <Terms1.pdf><John Deere 1775NT Planter.pdf>

On Thu, 8 May 2025 at 8:27 PM, Church Lady Lawyer wrote:

Well, isn’t that special, Brian!

Why yes, we do handle business and contract law matters — helping good folks like yourself keep things tidy and righteous in the eyes of the law and the lord. I’d be delighted to set up a time to chat and see how we can assist your fine establishment, Carlson Ag Service LLC.

Now, why don’t you send along a few dates and times that work for you, and we’ll get something on the calendar faster than you can say, “Well, isn’t that convenient!”

Looking forward to our little chat, Brian.

Bless your heart,

- Super Lawyer

On May 9, 2025, at 5:14 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Church Lady Lawyer,

I’d like to provide some background to clarify the situation. I’m looking to establish a long-term relationship with your law firm to handle our business law matters in Washington. Friehe Farms is interested in purchasing my John Deere Planter. Specifically, I’ve agreed to sell a 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter to Friehe Farms 1502 T Rd NE, Moses Lake, WA 98837. who wants to increase their crop production for this and future farming seasons.

I would appreciate your assistance in drafting the purchase and sale agreement and overseeing the transaction through to closing. The terms and price have already been agreed upon by both parties. I’ve attached the details of the 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, along with the agreed-upon terms, for your review.

A few questions: Is this something you can assist with? What are your fees and retainer requirements for this service? Additionally, could you send me your engagement agreement for review?

I look forward to working with you! Thanks.

Brian Carlson

President and CEO 

Carlson Ag Service L.L.C

2448 Dillon Rd,

Marshalltown, IA 50158

(956) 606-3004

On Mon, 12 May 2025 at 8:03 PM, Church Lady> wrote:

Brian, well well well… isn’t that special?

A shiny new 2023 John Deere 1775NT Planter, a budding business relationship, and a good old-fashioned handshake deal—how quaint! Why, it almost warms the cockles of my heart, if I had any. But of course, as we know, the Lord helps those who help themselves... to a proper purchase and sale agreement, lest things go the way of the serpent.

Now, is this something I can assist with? Oh heavens yes. Drafting airtight agreements and guiding good folks like yourself through transactions is just the sort of righteous work we do around here, when we’re not busy casting out the demons of ambiguity and confusion from other contracts, of course.

As for fees and retainer, I’ll have my office send you the engagement agreement shortly. It’ll include all the juicy little details like our hourly rates and payment structure, nothing sinful, I assure you.

I do look forward to working with you, Brian. And let’s all be thankful it’s a planter you’re selling and not something really scandalous... like a vibrating seed spreader.

Blessings,
CL

On May 14, 2025, at 3:12 AM, Brian Carlson <carlsonagservicellc@gmail.com> wrote:

Church Lady Lawyer,

I’m glad you can assist. Kindly forward your engagement letter for my review and signing. Thanks

Regards

 Dear Bryan Bo Bian,

Thank you ever so kindly for reaching out. It warms my heart to see folks eager to do things properly and decently in this world of chaos and moral decay. Why, it's almost as if someone is trying to follow the rules. What a novel idea!

Now, as for your request to receive a retainer agreement before we’ve seen the check? Hmm… let me think… who could be behind that kind of thinking? Could it be… Saaay-tan?!

We here at this upright, God-fearing law firm have a very simple policy: no retainer agreement goes out the door until we’ve received the initial $10,000 payment. It's not that we don’t trust you, dear, but you know what they say about good intentions paving a certain rather warm road.

Once that check arrives safe and sound, we’ll be happier than a televangelist in a tax loophole to get everything squared away and official.

Blessings,

Your Cannabis Lawyer